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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22718056">Firsts</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oliver__Niko/pseuds/Oliver__Niko'>Oliver__Niko</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anal Sex, Awkwardness, Bottom Felix Hugo Fraldarius, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Smut, Top Sylvain Jose Gautier, sex advice</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 15:27:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,715</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22718056</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oliver__Niko/pseuds/Oliver__Niko</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sylvain has never slept with a man before. Felix has never slept with anyone. The two dance around each other and their uncertainties, calling upon the help of their professor to take their relationship to the next level.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sylvain Jose Gautier/Felix Hugo Fraldarius</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>184</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Firsts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Happy Valentine's Day! Here's a oneshot I've been writing that I decided to upload today. I really do enjoy writing these two, and I wanted a fic that focuses on the more awkward side of first times, and taking the steps to push through that.</p>
<p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everything is … different.</p>
<p>Sylvain never expected the challenges he faces in his current relationship. There are so many factors at play that he has never had to deal with before. Usually, his relationships—if this word can even be used to describe the flings he has had with women over the years—are not built on the same foundation that is supporting him now.</p>
<p>Felix. He’s a childhood friend, for one thing, a person Sylvain knows through and through after all the time they’ve spent together. Usually those he has become involved with is someone he knows little about. Simple answers to simple questions is how he has learned about those women, enough to try something out, never truly digging deeper. Felix is allowing Sylvain to see that there is simply <em>so much </em>to a person. All this time, Sylvain thought he knew Felix perfectly, and yet he’s learning new things about him now they are together. Simple things, like how he sometimes twirls strands of hair around his finger when he’s puzzled over a book he is studying from.</p>
<p>And this attention to the little things wouldn’t exist without having real feelings for him. That is something else which is different, too. He didn’t simply not know much about the women he was dating. He never truly felt romantically towards them, either. It was like they were simply there as a way to fill a hole he never realised he had.</p>
<p>Away from this deeper side of how he feels, there is also a much simpler matter; Felix is a man. Before realising he’s attracted to Felix when the two began studying at the monastery, he never considered having attraction to men as well. Ingrid has reassured him that there’s no fixed rules on bisexuality. It’s fine for Sylvain to lean more towards women. But even so, this doesn’t stop the fact that Sylvain has no experience with men before Felix, and so arises questions on how to approach certain matters.</p>
<p>He knows a little. Knowing of Linhardt’s sexuality through Dorothea, Sylvain has asked him a few questions when Linhardt is in a good enough mood to provide help. But Sylvain isn’t sure if it’s <em>enough. </em>This is all a learning curve for him, something he wants to get right, because the last thing he wants to do is ruin something that is actually real.</p>
<p>That is what brings him here, to their professor, whose palms are pressed together in front of his face.</p>
<p>“You’re asking me how to have intercourse with Felix.”</p>
<p>“I know the basics!” says Sylvain hurriedly. “Obviously, but … There’s some stuff I’m scared of. And Linhardt was also laughing at me the whole time, so I can’t even be sure what I learned from him.”</p>
<p>“… You asked Linhardt, too?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I thought he might know something. See, professor, I know the female body through and through—”</p>
<p>“I really don’t need to be told that.”</p>
<p>“—but men are different. Like, I know that it’s not like having sex with a different species, but it’s still so <em>foreign </em>to me, you know?”</p>
<p>Byleth breathes out deeply, hands brought up higher so they’re resting across his forehead. Sylvain decides to wait on an answer. His fingers tap along the desk between them instead, a strange sense of anxiety in his chest.</p>
<p>“I didn’t think someone of your age would need sex education,” says Byleth at last.</p>
<p>“<em>Professor!”</em></p>
<p>A smile creeps on Byleth’s face beneath his hands. He lowers them. “I’m only teasing. There’s no age limit to learning about … any of this. But shouldn’t you be talking to him about it?”</p>
<p>“Linhardt?”</p>
<p>“<em>Felix, </em>Sylvain.”</p>
<p>“Oh. Yeah, I mean I will, but …” Sylvain rubs the back of his neck. “I don’t want to make a fool of myself. I mean, I only just realised the other day I’ll still need to use protection. I mean, he can’t get pregnant, so it didn’t cross my mind!”</p>
<p>“<em>Please </em>use protection.”</p>
<p>“I will, I promise!”</p>
<p>“And don’t forget to … prepare and lubricate well.”</p>
<p>Sylvain’s hands slap down on the desk. "See, that’s another thing! I’ve never done anal with a woman, so I’ve not thought about how important lube would be. Asses wouldn’t self-lubricate like vaginas can, would they?”</p>
<p>Byleth’s head lowers, tongue licking his lips. “That is correct,” he says with a crack in his voice, shoulders shaking slightly.</p>
<p>“How rude, professor, are you laughing at me?” Soon, however, Sylvain is chuckling himself. “See what I mean? Everything is just so … new. It’s like I’m a virgin again, unsure of what to do. I wasn’t even sure on how this was going to work at first, until Linhardt asked.”</p>
<p>“In what way do you mean?”</p>
<p>“I mean, we both have dicks,” Byleth’s eyes close briefly as Sylvain unnecessarily inserts his index finger into a hole made by his left fist, “and I’ve never been with a women who might want to do that herself, so I was like oh, we’d have to figure <em>that </em>out, too. I didn’t know if it was something you had to take turns with.”</p>
<p>“That’s not always necessary. Every couple is different.”</p>
<p>“See, that’s basically what Linhardt said … Although he was a bit more vague, and more amused than you are. Anyway, I learned a bit there, and I told him that I didn’t really want to ‘bottom’ as he called it.” Byleth’s tongue runs over his lips again. “And then I was like—what if <em>Felix </em>didn’t want to either? What would we do then?”</p>
<p>“That’s when you compromise and talk about what either of you could give each other.”</p>
<p>“True, but I still—”</p>
<p>“Sylvain.” Byleth straightens up, amusement faded from his face. His eyebrows are slightly furrowed as he smiles gently. “This is something you should talk about with Felix, not Linhardt or me.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to be awkward.”</p>
<p>“Firsts, whether it be with this or not, <em>are </em>awkward. That’s part of relationships.”</p>
<p>Sylvain grins sheepishly. “Guess I’m not really used to that, when I’ve been fooling around as long as I have.”</p>
<p>“It’s normal to have these doubts and uncertainties. And whilst it’s fine to ask others for advice, you should really speak to your partner most of all. Find out what else you need to know. He might need some reassurance over this as well.”</p>
<p>“You think?” Sylvain’s smile grows when Byleth nods. Though he isn’t even sure if Felix has done this with anyone<em>, </em>and so would likely have his own uncertainties, it’s still reassuring to think that Sylvain might not be alone in this. “You know what? You’re right, professor. I really should just speak to him already. Thanks for your help!”</p>
<p>“It’s not a problem … until you make crude gestures.”</p>
<p>“Yeah … sorry about that, professor.”</p>
<p>Sylvain is soon bouncing out of the room after his farewell to Byleth. Considering that it will likely take a lot of effort to drag Felix away from training to have enough time for a lengthy conversation, he decides that it’s likely best to head over to him now.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>As expected, Felix is in the training grounds. Sylvain doesn’t say a word to begin with. There’s so many sides to Felix that are beautiful. Right now, he is exhaling deeply, composing himself before taking a swing of his sword. Elegant, strong—he balances himself on the balls of his feet with a grace that Sylvain hasn’t ever realised is impossible.</p>
<p>But it’s not just the composed moments that bring out his beauty. Felix always tells Sylvain off if he stares too much, but it’s simply impossible when <em>anything </em>Felix does makes Sylvain’s heart flutter. He manages to look gorgeous when he’s eating. When he wakes up next to Sylvain, he almost always ends up blinking sleepy eyes as he adjusts to being awake, strands of hair stuck to his face.</p>
<p>It’s the most adorable sight Sylvain has ever seen. He wants to see Felix in other moments, too, just as intimate but still unknown to him.</p>
<p>“Hey, Felix!”</p>
<p>Felix turns to Sylvain after another swing of his sword. He’s quick to mask it, but there’s an undeniable light in his eyes from seeing that Sylvain is here.</p>
<p>“What do you want?”</p>
<p>“Do I need a reason to come see my boyfriend?”</p>
<p>Felix huffs, a slight grin on his face. “I was just finishing up anyway. Otherwise I’d tell you to stop getting in my way.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah. I bet you’re pleased to see me, really.” Sylvain leans down to press a kiss to Felix’s lips. “I was wondering if we could talk? In my room?”</p>
<p>Felix pauses. “What about?”</p>
<p>“Just … stuff.”</p>
<p>“Bit vague, but all right. Let me just take a shower first.”</p>
<p>“Care for another?” Sylvain jokes, looping his arm around Felix’s shoulders as they head to leave.</p>
<p>“Not in the slightest.”</p>
<p>Sylvain lets out a laugh. He sees Felix smile out of the corner of his eye.</p>
<p>The pair head to the second floor. They part with another kiss, Felix heading towards the showers as Sylvain heads to his own room. He leaves the door open a little, settling down on the edge of the bed. He leans forward with his hands running through his hair. A small sigh escapes him.</p>
<p>He shouldn’t be this hesitant. The few months he has spent with Felix have been wonderful so far. It’s as though nothing has changed between them which, Sylvain is now realising, is for the best. There’s a difference between when you actively seek for someone, and when that someone comes along by chance. Nothing is forced, and there are no fake emotions brought on by a desire to have <em>something—</em>it’s all natural, as spontaneous as love should be.</p>
<p>That is most likely why he <em>is </em>so hesitant. In the past, something going wrong with a partner never meant anything. He’d just shrug it off and move onto the next woman in line. With Felix, however, he wants to be careful. He doesn’t want to ruin anything they have by his lack of certainty and knowledge on how different it is to be with him.</p>
<p><em>Just calm down, and be honest with him, </em>Sylvain thinks to himself, sitting up. <em>Relationships are built on trust and honesty, after all. He deserves at least that much.</em></p>
<p>Though some nerves remain, he finds himself much calmer by the time Felix returns. The latter is finishing off drying his hair as he enters.</p>
<p>“I hope you’ll be taking that with you,” says Sylvain as Felix tosses the towel over the back of a chair.</p>
<p>“Obviously. So what is it you wanted to talk about?”</p>
<p>“Always so quick to get on with things, aren’t you?” Regardless of these words, Sylvain knows that it’s not quite that simple. He’s learned how Felix appears when he’s anxious. He does well to hide it—someone might think these folded arms and blank expression are signs of being completely calm. But Sylvain knows better. That folded arms keep Felix tense, a protective stance for him, and his face is only so expressionless because he forces it.</p>
<p>“It’s nothing bad,” says Sylvain, stretching out his arms and gesturing for Felix to come closer with his hands. “I promise.”</p>
<p>“Good, because you wouldn’t leave here alive if it turned out you’d been fooling around with a woman or something.”</p>
<p>“You know I would never.”</p>
<p>Felix smiles. One of those rare, genuine smiles, that Sylvain feels blessed to have saved for mostly him. “Yeah. I know.”</p>
<p>With those three words, Felix finally accepts Sylvain’s invitation to come closer. Sylvain takes Felix’s arms, bringing their hands back, although Felix is the one to bring their lips together. He always initiates kisses gentler than one would expect. The softness of those lips surprised Sylvain when they first kissed, expecting something harsher from someone so apparently made of steel. He only tends to kiss rougher when Sylvain does so himself.</p>
<p>There are many surprises when dating Felix. It’s one of the reasons, away from Sylvain’s true feelings for him, that make him such a joy to date.</p>
<p>He pulls back, causing Felix to hover above his legs. Their hands let go, allowing Sylvain to take hold of Felix’s waist and slide him down onto Sylvain’s lap. The kiss deepens as he does so.</p>
<p>“I thought,” says Felix, his break from Sylvain’s only temporary when the latter kisses him again, “we were going to talk.”</p>
<p>“Oh, yeah, right.” Sylvain raises his hands in the air, granting Felix the ability to scoot off Sylvain’s lap onto the bed. “Sorry. Don’t mean to make you anxious by putting it off.”</p>
<p>“It’s just infuriating. Use your big boy words, Sylvain.”</p>
<p>Sylvain laughs. “Fine, fine. It’s just a bit hard knowing where to start.” He runs his hands down his thighs, trying to wipe away the slight sweat that has built up there. “Listen, Felix. I’ve been thinking a lot about us, you know, going all the way.”</p>
<p>Felix’s eyes, which have been staring at Sylvain so intently, have instantly dropped down to the bed. “I … I see.”</p>
<p>“Have you thought about that at all?”</p>
<p>“Mm.”</p>
<p>Sylvain cannot help but smile at the hint of pink now dusting Felix’s cheeks. “I’m glad. Because I want that a lot. But if I’m honest, I’m real nervous about messing it up.”</p>
<p>“But why? You’ve done this before.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but that’s with women, and I didn’t even … well, like them as much as I like you.”</p>
<p>There’s no denying the slight curl of Felix’s lips, even if it vanishes quickly. He’s still avoiding Sylvain's gaze. “Still more than me,” he mutters. “I’m twenty-two, and I still haven’t …”</p>
<p>“That doesn’t matter, you know.” Sylvain takes Felix’s hand. “You … don’t think I judge you for that, right? Because I’ve slept around?”</p>
<p>“No. I guess. I don’t know. I’ve just …” Felix watches Sylvain’s thumb rub over the back of his hand. “I’ve never thought much about any of this. Not before you.”</p>
<p>“I’m special, huh?”</p>
<p>Felix rolls his eyes, yet a smile has crept on his face. “So come on, if any of us are going to mess this up, it’s me. <em>I</em> don’t know how to go about any of this.”</p>
<p>Sylvain encases Felix’s hand in both of his own, giving it a squeeze. Byleth’s words replay in his mind; to just <em>talk </em>to him. “So that’s where we figure stuff out. I mean, first thing’s first, we haven’t really talked much about … who’s going to top.” He feels Felix freeze. “And like, I <em>think </em>I have an idea on what you want, but I can’t really know until I ask, right?”</p>
<p>“Goddess, really?” Felix’s head has fallen into his spare hand.</p>
<p>“I mean, it’s something we’ve got to know. So what is it that you want?”</p>
<p>“What is it that <em>you </em>want?”</p>
<p>“You can’t just turn this back around on me!” Sylvain scratches the back of his head, glad that Felix hiding his own face means he’s not looking at Sylvain’s. “I’d—I’d like to top myself, personally. But if you didn’t want that, we could talk about it, work out something from there.”</p>
<p>“Ah.”</p>
<p>He’s still hiding. “Come on,” Sylvain gently shakes Felix’s upper arm. “Talk to me.”</p>
<p>“Ugh.” Felix’s head rises at last. A rather brilliant flush is now spread across his face. Sylvain would tease him about it, if this was a better moment for it. “I—that works fine with me.”</p>
<p>“So you—”</p>
<p>“<em>Yes, </em>all right?”</p>
<p>“Hey, hey, no need to get defensive.” Felix’s eyes have dropped again, Sylvain trying to catch his gaze. “<em>Why </em>are you getting defensive?”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to seem weak. Or … like I’m trying to be the woman. Or something.”</p>
<p>Sylvain shakes his head. “Man, no—you wouldn’t be either of those things. You can want whatever you like, and you can’t be a woman when we’re … you know, both men.”</p>
<p>Felix shrugs. “I know.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine, you know. And hey, we both want the same thing, so that’s <em>that </em>obstacle done.” Sylvain lifts Felix’s hand to his mouth, planting a kiss on it, before he sighs. “You know, I even went to the professor about this.”</p>
<p>With a snort, Felix can meet Sylvain’s eyes at last. “Seriously? What did you even go to him for?”</p>
<p>“Because I was worried about how I’ve never done any of this with a guy before. I was worried about missing something and not getting it right, you know?”</p>
<p>“And are you still worried?”</p>
<p>“A bit. But not as much. I’ve done some research, and I think I know how to make it work. How about you, though? How do <em>you </em>feel?”</p>
<p>Felix hums. “Fine, I guess. Kind of thinking we’re dwelling on this too much so just need to get on with it.”</p>
<p>“Maybe!” says Sylvain, laughing. “So … when?”</p>
<p>“I mean, we could try it now.”</p>
<p>“Now?”</p>
<p>“As long as you have protection and everything else,” Felix says in a rush. Though he faces Sylvain, his gaze averts away. “We don’t have to. I just think you’d get more nervous waiting.”</p>
<p>“<em>Me? </em>What about you?” Sylvain reaches over and gives Felix a shove. “But you’re probably right. And I do have everything here. So …?”</p>
<p>“So kiss me then, idiot.”</p>
<p>Sylvain grins. He cups Felix’s face, finally bringing those beautiful eyes back to him, before bringing the other in for a kiss.</p>
<p>He can feel Felix tremble slightly underneath his touch. Though Sylvain worries about Felix diving into too much, too soon, he can read him well enough to know to ask if they need to stop. He deepens their kiss slowly. Just a little harder, waiting for Felix’s body to relax beneath his hands before slipping a tongue into his mouth.</p>
<p>Arms wrap around Sylvain’s neck. A few moments, and Felix’s back is resting on the bed. Their lips part. Enough for Sylvain to grin and Felix to roll his eyes back. The latter’s hands run over the other’s chest, over his shoulders; Sylvain’s own touch runs over Felix’s waist and down to his hips. Lips press against his neck. A squeeze of his backside, and Sylvain can feel the slightest shudder.</p>
<p>It’s nothing that they haven’t done already. But there’s something else there from having the confirmation of a wall now being let down; there’s not the same limitations as before.</p>
<p>Kisses and roaming hands. Both are soon feverish enough to be in agreement for Sylvain reaching for the lube. He’s more confident about using his fingers, at least. That should warm him up enough for more.</p>
<p>Everything comes to a screeching halt, however, as Sylvain says, “Oh. Do you need to douche? It’s not necessary, but if it’d make you more comfortable …?”</p>
<p>Felix sits bolt upright. “Right. Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Do you know how? It’s fine if—”</p>
<p>“Mmhmm,” Felix hums, in a strangely high pitch. “Obviously I do. Idiot. I’ll just—give me a moment.”</p>
<p>“I was only saying, as I didn’t want it to be a worry. Just thorough showering is fine.” says Sylvain, rather taken aback by Felix’s strange demeanour. “You okay?”</p>
<p>“Fine. I just need to … yeah.” Felix is now pulling his boots on, head lowered away from Sylvain. “Oh. Actually, now I think about it, I can’t do this today.”</p>
<p>“Huh?”</p>
<p>“Swords. I’ve got to … clean them, you know. Can’t have blood rusting them. Might take a while.” Felix is on his feet in a flash, waving over his shoulder in dismissal as opposed to turning around. “We can do this another day. I’ll catch you later.”</p>
<p>“Wait, Felix—”</p>
<p>He is gone before Sylvain has said another word, or is even on his feet properly. He blinks, hand outstretched, wondering if he should chase after him. He settles back down onto the bed instead. A hand runs through his hair, unable to stop himself from smiling in amusement as his eyes land on the towel that has been left behind after all. Felix has never been that great of a liar.</p>
<p>He’ll give Felix the space he needs. Sylvain, after all, can’t say much about it when he has only just been as awkward as Felix is about this.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>He has <em>heard </em>about it. The reason why he would do so is vague, but he can grasp enough to get an idea. But that’s the thing; he doesn’t know enough to understand <em>how </em>to do it.</p>
<p>What if Sylvain was lying about Felix not having to do it, and he only said that to seem nice? What if he expects there to be a complete mess? Felix inwardly groans, ignoring someone asking him if he’s all right as he passes by. He flips them off. Does he <em>seem </em>‘all right?’</p>
<p>God. How has he reached this age being this much of a virgin? Before Sylvain, sexual matters were never really on his mind. He’s always found men attractive, sure, but his biggest priority has always been in his training and goals. Being intimate with someone has barely crossed his mind. Aside from driving a sword through them on the battlefield, that is, but naturally this is a different matter.</p>
<p>Even so … Is it strange for him to be so unsure about everything? To fixate on his worries to this degree? Sylvain is nervous too, sure, but hardly to this degree.</p>
<p>Felix breathes out deeply. He doesn’t knock as he enters the classroom Byleth is currently in. The latter glances up in surprise, although this subsides quickly, as though this visit isn’t shocking to him.</p>
<p>“Professor, I need some advice.”</p>
<p>“Hello, Felix.” Byleth stacks some papers as he speaks. “What do you need advice on?”</p>
<p>“Well, that idiot came to you, so I thought I’d do the same.” Felix at least has the mind to turn around and shut the door after himself. He walks towards the desk, contemplating his words. A moment of silence greets them before Felix finally says, “I’m not sure if I should douche or not.”</p>
<p>Byleth’s lips press together, one of the pieces of paper slipping out of his hand, which is as much of an expression as Felix would expect. The slight shake of Byleth’s shoulders is what causes Felix to snap.</p>
<p>“Don’t you <em>dare </em>laugh at me! I thought if you gave advice to Sylvain, you could with me, too! Ah forget it, it was a <em>stupid—”</em></p>
<p>“I’m not laughing at you, Felix,” says Byleth, who has the audacity to have wiped his expression. “I’m simply taken aback by the situation.”</p>
<p>“Well, it’s an actual worry. I’ve never done this before, <em>any </em>of it, and I don’t want to mess it up.”</p>
<p>Byleth nods, waving his hand towards the seat on the opposite side of the desk to encourage Felix to sit down. He doesn’t do so right away. He’s been pacing back and to, fingers tapping against a folded arm, although does eventually sit down. His body is turned away from Byleth, arms still folded with one leg over the other.</p>
<p>“So should I?” he asks bluntly.</p>
<p>“That’s up to you. It’s not exactly <em>necessary </em>if you make sure you’ve washed thoroughly. But it can help give people peace of mind.”</p>
<p>“Right. That’s what I thought. I think it’s something to consider, and I’ve thought about it, but I don’t even know <em>how </em>to do it. Not properly, anyway. In fact, I barely know <em>anything, </em>and I—”</p>
<p>“Felix. This isn’t just about douching, is it?”</p>
<p>“I—no.” Felix’s shoe kicks at the floor. “I guess not. I just don’t want to seem like a fool. He’s had all this experience, even doing research regardless of that to make sure this goes right, and in comparison I feel like I’m doing nothing. Weird how it’s that way around for once.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean by doing nothing?”</p>
<p>“I’m worried that he’s putting more effort into this than I am. And that I’m being lazy by being the one to … you know.”</p>
<p>“That’s not laziness.”</p>
<p>“That’s what you say, but …”</p>
<p>Felix avoids Byleth’s gaze, switching between the floor and the walls around him. He’s restless just sitting here. How much he craves wielding a sword in his hands right now, wiping away all his thoughts—though he’s mature enough to know that he cannot simply distract himself from everything.</p>
<p>“Are you insecure about the position you want to take?”</p>
<p>“I did mention that to him,” says Felix quickly. “I did. And he was reassuring about how it doesn’t bother <em>him, </em>but what about it bothering me?”</p>
<p>“And why does it bother you?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.” A glance at Byleth’s face tells Felix that the other knows otherwise. “Fine, I do. I guess because I worry that I’m … some sort of substitute for what he’s already had.” Byleth stays quiet, watching him, and he knows that this means he should continue. “I know that he has feelings for me. I do. But there’s that part of me that worries he’s only interested in this because it’s new, that I’m just an exciting replacement for what he’d have with a woman. That I’m taking on that kind of role, and—I know it’s stupid, but there’s even my hair being long. Am I trying to do that sub-consciously? Do I feel like I <em>have </em>to in order to please him?”</p>
<p>Felix breaks his gaze with Byleth when he realises how much he has been rambling. “I sound stupid, I know.”</p>
<p>“It’s not stupid. You’re insecure because you’re the first man he has been with, and you have certain features one might deem feminine. Combine that with the way you want to sleep with him, and those insecurities are bound to increase.” When Felix does no more than hum, Byleth says, “Look at me.” And Felix does so, because there’s something reassuring in that voice. “I’m sure Sylvain said it, too. But this doesn’t make you any less of a man. Sylvain sees you as one, but if I’m honest, I’m sure he’s not even thinking about that away from how he has to make sure he gets it right with you. He’s thinking about <em>you, </em>not anything else.”</p>
<p>Felix rests his fingers against his forehead, feeling heat rise to his face. “Shut it. Don’t even remind me how surprisingly sappy that guy can be.”</p>
<p>Byleth smiles with amusement. “Then you know I’m right. Your lack of experience, your insecurities, all of it—it’s not going to stop you from being with him. You’re going to be fine.”</p>
<p>“I—yeah. I guess.” He then adds as an afterthought, “Thanks. I guess I might need to speak about this more to him. We kind of brushed over it when I should have been honest about how much it was bothering me.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to speak to you about this.”</p>
<p>Felix nods. He remains in his chair, thinking of what to say. With a mental shake of his head, he gets to his feet, although by the time he has turned around, he has already changed his mind.</p>
<p>“I, uh … Professor?” he asks, merely tilting his body back to Byleth.</p>
<p>“Yes?”</p>
<p>“I still don’t know anything about douching.” He turns and hurriedly adds, before Byleth can say anything, “I <em>know </em>you want me to speak to Sylvain about it. But Goddess, professor, do you really think Sylvain is going to be the right person to ask?”</p>
<p>Though Byleth sighs, there’s a small smile on his face. “Good point. Then sit back down, we’ll talk through it.” And as Felix does so, Byleth says, “I’d love to know when exactly I became Garreg Mach’s sex education professor.”</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Felix’s eyes open slowly as he parts from Sylvain’s lips. A hand hovers over the back of the former’s mouth, Sylvain giving him a grin. Sylvain’s hands run over the thighs straddling his hips. He has such a mischievous glint in his eye, Felix wishes they were doing this after the sun sets. It’s strangely embarrassing to witness.</p>
<p>“Okay?” Sylvain asks. Felix nods, actually meaning it; though his heart is racing, he still finds himself calmer than before. It turns out their professor is right about everything. Communication really has been key to solving it.</p>
<p>“Fine.”</p>
<p>“Really fine?”</p>
<p>“Stop nagging and kiss me again.”</p>
<p>Sylvain laughs, returning his lips back to Felix’s. A tongue slips into his mouth. Felix’s arms wrap tighter around Sylvain’s neck in response. His hips rising just a little to give Sylvain more room for his hands, which edge over Felix’s hips and squeeze at his backside.</p>
<p>Felix presses himself closer against Sylvain. He moans into Sylvain’s mouth, and is sure the latter has done the same; their crotches have pressed against each other. The fabric separating them has become a sudden annoyance.</p>
<p>Nerves are still high despite reassurances, and Felix’s fingers are trembling enough for him to need to break free of Sylvain’s lips as he begins to unfasten the other’s shirt. “What?” he snaps as he notices Sylvain staring. It comes out a little harsher than planned.</p>
<p>“Hey, easy. I was just going to ask if you wanted me to do that.”</p>
<p>“No. That’s humiliating.”</p>
<p>“Whatever you say.” Sylvain grins again, hands still caressing Felix’s backside. “Whatever’s quicker for me to get these pants away.”</p>
<p>Felix rolls his eyes, but he can’t stop a smirk tugging at his lips. He is thankfully able to pull Sylvain’s shirt away. And <em>Goddess, </em>has Felix never been able to get over how much Sylvain has been building his muscles over the years. He cannot stop himself from staring straight at the other’s chest and torso.</p>
<p>“Like what you see?”</p>
<p>“No, you’re disgusting. Get your shirt back on.”</p>
<p>“You took it off me!”</p>
<p>“And what a mistake that was.”</p>
<p>Sylvain feigns a glare, but mere moments later, the two burst into laughter. Felix’s forehead rests against Sylvain’s as his own turns into quiet chuckles. Like before, all of this should be fine—so far, nothing is out of the ordinary on what they have already done. But it’s never been a build up to anything else. It’s as though Felix is waiting for when this dives into unknown territory, and he has to brace himself.</p>
<p>Sylvain seems to notice. When he kisses Felix again, it’s softer and lighter, before a second kiss is placed on Felix’s forehead. “We can stop at any time,” he says. “Just enjoy each moment.”</p>
<p>“With you, that’s impossible.”</p>
<p>“So you say.”</p>
<p>A smile breaks out on Felix’s face as Sylvain kisses the tip of his nose, cursing how Sylvain knows exactly how to melt an icy expression. But he cannot help but be grateful. His eyes close as Sylvain’s lips find the slither of neck exposed above Felix’s collar, his own shirt now in the process of being removed. A deep breath is released. He allows himself to relax under the trail of kisses brought down the more his skin is uncovered. His own fingertips glide over Sylvain’s torso. His skin is unbelievably warm, as are those lips which smile against Felix’s chest.</p>
<p>“Felix,” says Sylvain, pointing to his head. Felix watches him, confused, only understanding when Felix reaches to his own head. He pulls his ponytail free with a roll of his eyes. “That’s better,” Sylvain says as strands of navy fall and frame Felix’s face. “You look real pretty with your hair down, you know. You should wear it like that more often.”</p>
<p>“It gets annoying when it’s in the way.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but have you thought about how you could distract your opponents that way? You’d dazzle them so much they can’t even move.”</p>
<p>Felix rests his head against Sylvain’s shoulder to hide the amusement on his face. “Or I can just leave it and have that be for your own eyes only.”</p>
<p>He feels Sylvain’s fingers run through his hair. “Okay, yeah. I can agree with that.” Felix smiles now it can be hidden, pressing his lips against Sylvain’s shoulder.</p>
<p>The following motions rush by in a blur. Roaming hands, deepening kisses, warming skin. Before Felix knows it, his back is pressed against the bed with Sylvain hovering above him. He has no chance to question his nerves before their lips meet once more. Deeper, hungrier; Felix is glad his moan is muffled by Sylvain’s tongue. He wonders if this increasing desperation will be enough to stop his fears. His arms cling around Sylvain’s neck, the latter’s hands roaming down to Felix’s hips.</p>
<p>The kiss breaks. Felix goes to speak, interrupted by his own gasp as he feels Sylvain’s hand palm against the bulge in his trousers. The arm Felix holds over his mouth is much too slow to silence it.</p>
<p>“Okay?” Sylvain asks. Felix nods, eyes only half-open as Sylvain’s fingers stroke against the base of Felix’s stomach. He shivers despite the warmth of that touch.</p>
<p>They trail down. Ease underneath the button of Felix’s trousers, popping it open before the zip follows. Felix doesn’t dare look at Sylvain in the eye. He knows the latter is watching him though, waiting for the confirmation that he can go on. Felix nods again. Exhales too, for he swears he keeps forgetting to breathe.</p>
<p>Sylvain slips his hand underneath Felix’s trousers. The latter’s breath hitches, trying to not tense up. His wish is granted almost immediately as Sylvain hand massages over his underwear. A moan is let out before Felix can stop it. He blinks at himself, Sylvain’s eyes flicking up to him with a grin.</p>
<p>“Don’t.” Felix’s arm rises up to rest above his eyes. “Don’t say <em>anything.”</em></p>
<p>“But all I was—”</p>
<p>“<em>Don’t.”</em></p>
<p>“—going to say is that I want to hear you moan, Felix.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Somehow, that’s more embarrassing than Sylvain teasing him. He feels the heat in his face increase under his arm.</p>
<p>“I mean, I’ve touched my own dick enough times to be able to work my way around yours.”</p>
<p>“Sylvain, really?” Still, Felix cannot help but to laugh. It comes out far more nervous than he would have liked. Sylvain takes hold of his other hand—which Felix notices has been lying uselessly by his side, to his embarrassment—and presses a kiss to the back of it.</p>
<p>“Sorry. I’m nervous too, you know. Just not quite as badly.”</p>
<p>“I’m not <em>that </em>nervous.”</p>
<p>“Everything says otherwise.”</p>
<p>“I—I hate you.” Felix peers above his arm at Sylvain, who is now taking hold of Felix’s trousers on either side.</p>
<p>“Even if you hate me, can I get these off, now? Uh—both of them?”</p>
<p>“Sure. Whatever. But I’m not being the only one naked.”</p>
<p>“I’m not complaining at that,” says Sylvain, and the grin he has on his face is contagious.</p>
<p>There’s a little worry that the process is going to be complicated, but their trousers are discarded before too long. Felix’s teeth bite at his lip as Sylvain brings down his underwear. This is the first time he has ever been naked in front of Sylvain.</p>
<p>The latter isn’t afraid to hide how pleased he is over that, either. “Goddess, you’re hot, Felix.”</p>
<p>“It’s awkward on my own,” says Felix, sitting up enough to take hold of Sylvain’s own underwear, “so hurry <em>up</em>.”</p>
<p>“That’s one way to say that you just <em>really </em>want to see me naked, too.”</p>
<p>“Hardly.”</p>
<p>This is possibly the biggest lie that Felix has told so far and Sylvain knows it. Felix cannot stop himself from staring the moment that Sylvain is bare—luckily, he’s not alone in that regard. There’s a moment of silence in which they simply bask in each other’s vulnerability. Hands, with an almost innocent touch, stroking over the other’s skin. Felix across Sylvain’s back, Sylvain up the curves of Felix’s waist.</p>
<p>“You know,” says Sylvain, “it’s never felt like this before. That I feel the emotion behind this, too, not just how it is to see someone this way.”</p>
<p>“Are my abs making you emotional?”</p>
<p>He lets out a sigh. “You know what I mean. I just really like being close to you, Felix.”</p>
<p>With a hum of agreement, Felix says, “Yeah. I do know what you mean.”</p>
<p>This steady, curious exploration gives room for fear to ease. Simply learning the areas that they haven’t yet been able to see and touch. Kisses and muffled moans into them, their bodies pressed against each other. It’s a wonder why they spent so much time dwelling in insecurities when they could have been doing this instead.</p>
<p>Sylvain kisses beneath Felix’s ear after breaking apart from his lips. “Are you ready for more?”</p>
<p>“I think so.”</p>
<p>“I’d rather you be sure.”</p>
<p>Felix nods. “Then yeah. Go for it. But don’t forget the lube, idiot.”</p>
<p>“That makes the millionth time you’ve called me that,” says Sylvain, flashing Felix a grin as he reaches for the bottle left to one side. Felix swallows as Sylvain pops off the top of it. Waiting makes him nervous, his hand caressing Sylvain’s skin not enough of a distraction.</p>
<p>This makes him glad for Sylvain’s lips to find his chest as he begins to prepare his fingers. A trail of kisses down the pale skin, gently on Felix’s nipple. His back arches.</p>
<p>“Oh, shit.”</p>
<p>“Do you like that?” asks Sylvain, Felix nodding, letting out a moan over a flicker of Sylvain’s tongue.</p>
<p>“That shouldn’t feel this good.”</p>
<p>“But it does, right?” Sylvain straightens up, pecking Felix’s lips along the way. “You definitely ready?”</p>
<p>“Go for it.”</p>
<p>Sylvain nods. He exhales deeply, reminding Felix that he’s not the only one exploring something new. A thumb rubs over Felix’s hip as Sylvain’s other hand is brought down between his legs. <em>Shit, </em>is the single word that pops into Felix’s mind. He’s as nervous for that as he is desperate.</p>
<p>The fingertip presses against his entrance. Their eyes meet for a moment, Sylvain seeking one last sign of reassurance before pushing the finger inside slowly. Felix’s only reaction is to inhale sharply. It eases inside, and out, Felix hating himself when he says, “Ow.”</p>
<p>“It’s hurting you?”</p>
<p>“A bit.”</p>
<p>“I think you’re too tense.” Sylvain takes his finger out again, and once he puts a little more lube onto it, his other hand is stroking over Felix’s thigh. “Breathe. Relax.”</p>
<p><em>Easy for you to say, when you’re not freaking out, </em>Felix thinks to himself, before feeling guilty. He nods instead. Regulating his breathing and closing his eyes, he can feel a little tension ease from his body. Sylvain’s left hand has resorted to taking hold of Felix’s again; the latter can’t help but to smile.</p>
<p>“Okay?”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Felix confirms. “Uh, sorry. Think I’m good now.”</p>
<p>Sylvain kisses his forehead, straightening back up. He inserts his finger inside a little slower. This time, Felix remembers to keep his body relaxed. It doesn’t hurt so much this time. In fact, as Sylvain keeps up this steady pace, it’s <em>good. </em>The back of Felix’s hand covers his mouth to stifle whatever noise he was about to make.</p>
<p>“That’s better, isn’t it?” asks Sylvain. The stupid smirk on his face urges Felix to gently kick him.</p>
<p>“Stop gloating in it.”</p>
<p>“But I want to make you feel good!”</p>
<p>Felix isn’t exactly sure what he grumbles underneath his hand. One eye closes as Sylvain picks up the speed a little. It’s still fine, surprisingly. More than fine. He bites his lip underneath his hand. His other hand squeezes Sylvain’s, which he doesn’t realise until Sylvain does the same back.</p>
<p>“Damn,” says Felix, a moan catching itself in his throat. The smoother this becomes, the better it feels. “This is really not bad.”</p>
<p>“Not bad,” Sylvain repeats, laughing. “Am I okay to use a second finger?”</p>
<p>“Sure.” Felix’s voice clearly has more certainty than before, and Sylvain’s eyes light up in response.</p>
<p>As he adjusts to the second finger, he cannot hold back a moan this time. He’s embarrassed again in an instant over the sound. But a flash of lust appears in Sylvain’s eyes every time, clearly aroused each time he hears his partner’s enjoyment, and Felix realises it’s probably not so bad after all.</p>
<p>He’s left panting gently by the time Sylvain’s fingers leave him. “It’s not that difficult,” says Sylvain, wiping said fingers on the towel beneath them. “Kinda natural at it, if I do say so myself.”</p>
<p>“Do you <em>ever </em>shut up?” Felix pauses, before adding, “I won’t lie, though, you’re not shabby. I was worried at first.”</p>
<p>“Same, a bit. I’m glad that you’re okay.” Sylvain gives Felix a brief kiss. “So … are you ready? You’re definitely prepared enough, I think. And I promise I’ll start slow again.”</p>
<p>“How weak do you think I am? It’s fine, Sylvain. Really.”</p>
<p>“Okay. Good. I just really don’t want to hurt you.” Sylvain reaches for the box of condoms from the bedside cabinet. “Unless you asked nicely.”</p>
<p>“Seriously?” Still, Felix is laughing, and Sylvain joins in; the new wave of tension that has weighed on them seems to ease. Felix glances at Sylvain as he prepares himself, glancing away before the latter can notice. A stupid thought of wondering if it’s even possible for that to fit inside pops into mind. He’d rather not Sylvain have any chance of guessing that’s what Felix thought of briefly.</p>
<p>Sylvain’s hands have taken hold of Felix’s hips. Gentle caresses with his thumbs. Perhaps it would surprise someone else how careful and caring Sylvain is during this whole process, but to Felix, it only seems fitting despite what outside appearances suggest.</p>
<p>“Ready, sweetheart?”</p>
<p>Felix is too caught up in anxious anticipation to chastise that pet name. “Yeah.”</p>
<p>The head of Sylvain’s erection presses against Felix’s entrance. Felix swallows. Naturally, it’s bigger than mere fingers. Eyes meet his, silently reminding him to relax, and he nods and breathes out. A cross between a gasp and cry escape him when Sylvain carefully pushes himself inside with a moan.</p>
<p>“Oh, Goddess,” he says, easing himself into a rhythm slowly. “Is this okay?” Felix doesn’t respond for a moment. “Felix?”</p>
<p>“Y-Yeah.” Felix’s eyes are wide, adjusting to how this feels. “Fine.”</p>
<p>He isn’t exactly sure on what to think, whether it hurts or not, until Sylvain eventually eases into a smooth rhythm and—there Felix goes again with the moaning.</p>
<p>“Ah, <em>shit—</em>Sylvain—”</p>
<p>“Is it hurting?” asks Sylvain, worried despite the moans moments before.</p>
<p>“No. Or if it is,” Felix inhales sharply, trying to keep any noise in his throat, “th-then I’m too distracted by …”</p>
<p>“It feeling good?” Felix nods, leaning his head back against the pillow with his hands over his face. His fingers cover his eyes despite how they are closed. Even with them as such, he can sense Sylvain’s smile. “I’m really glad!”</p>
<p>Felix’s teeth bite as his lips. The thrusts have sped up slightly from this reassurance, but still keeping a careful pace—it still feels far greater than he feared. The pleasure sets each of his cells on fire.</p>
<p>“I don’t … don’t really think I’m going to last long,” he says, struggling to catch his breath. Sylvain’s lips press against the slither of forehead exposed from Felix’s hands.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t expect you to, when this is your first time doing this. Plus, nice guys always finish last.”</p>
<p>“Goddess’ sake, Sylvain,” Felix groans, Sylvain letting out a laugh. The hands held over Felix’s face are eased down. The latter can feel how strong the heat is in it, embarrassed to let it show, although Sylvain’s face lights upon seeing him. Their lips meet in a kiss as the thrusts continue.</p>
<p>Felix hasn’t enough experience to truly say how good this is. However, in the moment, he has no regrets, no faults to claim. Despite all his nerves and fears about doing this, Sylvain has still been cautious enough to make it a pleasant experience. Felix knows that he too has to take some credit. It’s a two-way street, after all, and their communication and honesty has been important. But he finds his heart swelling over his gratitude towards Sylvain.</p>
<p>Of course, he struggles to say that now, but he’s sure that the fact he no longer hides his smile or holds back his moans speaks enough on it’s own.</p>
<p>“Sylvain, I-I don’t think …” Felix swallows, trying to catch is breath. “I’m sorry, it’s not … really been that long—”</p>
<p>“You’ve done great, baby. You don’t need to hold it back.”</p>
<p>Felix nods. “Don’t call me baby, you asshole.”</p>
<p>Sylvain roars with laughter. “Coming out with that shit even now,” he says, inhaling deeply. “I love you so much.”</p>
<p>A rush of affection fills Felix’s chest over those words. “I … you too.”</p>
<p>He soon reaches his climax. His load splatters onto his abdomen. It’s hardly the first time, but it’s never took his breath away to this degree. His eyes are wide, face flushed. His hair is most likely on end.</p>
<p>Even with the wave of fatigue which has washed over him in an instant, he still sits up once Sylvain leaves him. His hand runs over the other’s dick. Shudders over the moan that Sylvain releases, before silencing himself by kissing Felix.</p>
<p>And Felix wonders once again why they waited so long.</p>
<p>The condom is soon discarded, and tissues used to clean themselves up. They remain naked as they settle down underneath the covers. Felix’s head on Sylvain’s chest, and fingers running through his hair. Utter bliss.</p>
<p>“So, was it good?” asks Sylvain.</p>
<p>Felix hums. “Mediocre.”</p>
<p>“Come <em>on!”</em></p>
<p>“Fine, it was all right.”</p>
<p>“That’s not much better.” Sylvain tucks strands of Felix’s hair behind his ear. “I didn’t want to hurt you. <em>Are </em>you hurting at all?”</p>
<p>“A bit. But I really mean only a bit. And I expect that, when I’m not used to it at all.”</p>
<p>“I was just so worried. It’s not the same as what I’ve done before, you know? I didn’t want to mess up.” A small silence, before Sylvain adds, “It wasn’t just this being different that made it so exciting though. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I’ve never felt this way before.”</p>
<p>A fingertip trails over Sylvain’s chest, feeling the pulse of his heartbeat underneath.</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I don’t ever want to let you go.”</p>
<p>“Then you don’t have to,” says Felix, resting his arms on Sylvain’s chest, smiling as the other leans down to kiss his head. He could quite happily stay here forever.</p>
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